An air of intrigue

sometimes things can happen that completely demolish your entire view of reality.  you can be so blinded by what's before you, that you are unable to stop and look at it's subtleties.  therein lies my weakness -- when something big is before me, something bigger can come in and block out everything.  i've not invested in the scaling techniques required to see past it, but once in a while ... something comes along and blows a huge hole in all of my walls.  even the fragments find a way to pierce through to the core.  sometimes i am frightened by how much of my core actually fluctuates.  you have those people who can react 100 times to the same situation exactly the same.  but me?  no ... i will react differently because i don't always feel the same about everything ... all the time.  sometimes voices are louder, and situations stomp their feet to the point where i get distracted.  and that's where Ray Lewis comes from no where and knocks your lights out.  it's hard to stay focused on external things when your internal things need so much maintenance and self assurance allllll the time.  and when you feel like you're finally able to focus on something real and concrete ... something hard and tangible ... you hear that voice inside again.  and it's your friend, and it's your lover.  it's the one sure thing that has always been there for you, no matter what.  it rules you, like the Master Of Puppets ... only this master doesn't want to hurt you -- he wants to help you.  so naturally, you run to it.  you know you're safe, and you know you're secure.  it likes you, and it's been there for you.  it is you.  and you crawl down the hole, and pull the rock over the surface of life ... and mend.  who ever knew a thing could be that disfigured and mangled.  it never stops getting hurt.  it never sleeps.  in an air of perpetual strangulation and a glimpse of inevitable contortedness ... you will never cease to please that which is simultaneously your greatest ally, and your darkest foe:  you.