pensive

sometimes i wonder if i'm good enough to be someone's "everything."  would i be able to handle that responsibility?  to know that my every thought, emotion, motive, action would directly affect -- for the good, or the bad -- another human being in one way shape or form.  but isn't that what we all aspire to?  most of us bodies want to become married to another human being.  with a friend you have a wonderful commitment that is unbreakable.  no attachments -- no strings.  just your most valiant "i am here for you anytime" display of raw, pure human intent.  with a marriage, you have a binding, almost smothering reality:  you are with this person forever.  a friend can call it a day, and retreat to his or her own comfort zone.  but then you meet those people who, upon a closer look, you just simply don't want that opportunity to happen.  you don't want to ever look away from them, or ever want to call it a day.  with a friend you can simply choose to accept their faults at whim.  i say, find that one person that you can't function without.  not the one that completes you, but rather one ... one who you cannot be whole without.  one that makes you feel complete inside and out.  a compliment, not a missing puzzle piece.  the puzzle is never completely put together, and sometimes ... just sometimes ... someone isn't interested in your puzzle at all.  they just want to be accepted just like yourself.  you can cry to a friend, you can cry about a friend.  without that binding grain of abstract or even beyond-emotion connection, you remain simply a friend.  no growth past your typical friendly pursuits.  it's simply not socially acceptable to spend the night grasping at proverbial straws, thinking about where your life is "headed" with a coldly stated friend.  friend:  "one attached to another by affection or esteem."  can you actually possibly exist with that one person as a friend, only?  defined by the parameters of the living, breathing, binding box of a state?  when it's all said and done, and when the doors all close, and when the curtains are drawn -- who do you want to spend forever with?  a stranger who calls himself or herself your companion, or with a friend who happens to wear a matching band that you -- together -- spend hours in Venice hunting and bartering for?  sometimes we can put aside the claspingfield confining the brutally suffocating existence that can envelop a relationship and look at it for what it really is:  a lifelong journey with your very best friend in the whole world.  someone you have singled out above the rest by saying, "see this person? -- there is none other that i would like to share this horrible, beautiful, hate-filled world than the most wonderful friend i have possibly found."  can you shout it from your social rooftop, yelling out into the world of possibles and variables?  this soul is the one who, above everyone, can make me the most safe, the most loved, the most pleasantly cradled me that i can possibly be?  if you are everything you are before the world began, then what are marriages for?  intimacy aside, who can say they need no one ever -- ever?  a friend can't walk past certain lines drawn by our Creator -- true.  all i'm saying is this:  why can't the one we love be our only bestest friend?  why can't that be?  and who can tell me that that isn't possible?

shape shifting

in short what stay in constance sway,

amid these dark and weary walls;

new light saved fear though did delay,

a fight afloat askew dark squalls;

possession hath torn into might,

an owner ship's harbor had sailed;

fight to smite intuitive sight,

saw old weary friend comfort failed;

resent meant to creep seap beside,

destroy safe home stead(y) 'vade glare;

feeble core has saught to reside,

enter comfort amoung ruins bare.

quiet

in hope i dream of tomorrow anew,

in glass of sea your current shined brilliant;

upon close eye glanced your splender into,

see on and sway unto me stay valiant;

percieved intent is deliciously light,

and inside a dome your radiant stay;

what new began and to display your fight,

what evil did lurk in what past you slay;

above rise soar to new height you belong,

in shone eye of me and my spirit see;

what before i lay silent in wait to long,

lay front me do have in some quiet glee;

     come may what beside you beyond reside,

     quiet invite in soft safety abide.